Before even setting foot in the city, my mind was already made up. London is going to suck. For over two months, other travelers were warning me... their food is bad, the people are weird, and everything is expensive. Okay, that is all true (except for the bad food part, there's no such thing as far as I'm concerned). But by the end of the week, everything that London had to offer had won me over. It was an incredible city and a perfect finale to my backpacking adventures. |
"TICKET TO RIDE"
The plane from Barcelona arrived at Luton airport, about 45 minutes
outside of London. Security was intense as the immigration official
interrogated me about everything from where I've been in Europe,
to where I'm staying and what I'm doing in London, how much money
I have in cash, who I live with at home... and all I could think was,
I'm an American goddamn it, just let me through.
That's gotta suck.
The bus arrived at Victoria Station during the evening commute. The
masses of people
moved like a swift current though the underground.
I escaped to the fresh air to acquaint myself with the city.
For those sudden porno urges.
Westminster Abbey, where the monarchs of England have been coronated
since the 11th century.
Looking up at the Big Ben.
These people are probably just getting out of work. Sucks for them.
I bought an Oyster Pass which entitled me to one week of unlimited use of
the public transport system. Man, was it worth it!
I was hopping on
and off
the tube and busses without worrying about spending another cent... pence.
Backpacker Rule #26: Learn from all the mistakes you made along the
way, and you'll be all the wiser.
After checking into my hostel, I was lured to the crowds and flashing billboards
of
the
West End.
The fountain in the middle of Piccadilly Circus. The
word "circus" always bothered me. I finally figured out
that it meant a traffic circle. British English is so weird.
That's Juan and Juan, AKA Two. They traveled with me from Barcelona.
We got to know each other trying to make sense of the confusion when
we arrived. They were staying at a hostel on the other side of the city
though, so we said our goodbyes and parted ways. But amazingly, in
a city
as crowded as London, we managed to run into each hours later.
We ended up going to a club near their hostel at the other end of the
city because the tall Juan forgot to bring his ID, and you actually get
carded in London unlike everywhere else in Europe. After leaving the
club early in the morning, there was a problem... the tube stations were
closed for the night, and my hostel was miles away. I asked around for
bus routes back Blackfriars where my hostel was. "Blackfriars? That's on
the other side of the city." No one knew exactly how to get their, but
they recommended I take a night bus back to Trafalgar Square and
figure it out from there. So after hours and hours of hopping on and
off of night buses, I finally figured out how the routes and stops were
organized... and in that one night, I mastered navigating London.
Tesco is a giant grocery and retail chain in the UK. I spotted one while
on a bus and hopped off at the next stop (hoping it was even open, and
that
another bus will come by later). I bought a huge jar of trail mix for
a snack
or
night hunger attacks, but it ended up being lunch or dinner
some days. I was really scraping together an existence at this point.
Oh my fond memories of night buses. It was always nice to
see any reference to Aldwych. It meant I was going
the right
way and twenty minutes from a warm bed. Thank god for
my Oyster Pass too. It probably paid for itself that first night
when I kept on boarding the wrong buses.
That's Amy, a nice Scottish girl I had breakfast with at the hostel.
Unfortunately she was with her family, so we didn't hang out.
Double decker buses make me happy.
After looking like a hobo for the past two months, I went shopping on
Oxford Street to dehobofy myself. It's a good place in London to find
reasonably priced
clothes.
THAT place was a dream come true. Whereas cheap elsewhere else meant
paying average department store prices. Cheap here was CHEAP... even by
my standards. I bought socks, underwear, a sweatshirt, 4 shirts, and a pair
of jeans for less than £40... I quickly went to the Mark & Spencer's
across
the street to return the £20 jeans I purchased there just moments ago.
Typical traffic in London. The old fashion taxis make me happy too.
Barcelona is rainy and cold, London is sunny and warm. Didn't you know that?
Typical Englishmen.
Licensed? That means no bestiality... I'll pass.
"Bananas! Fifty pennies!", were the only words I could make out
of his thick Cockney accent.
The Thames
The symbol of the City of London.
Details
Old sphinx, new shirt.
London doesn't have a distinct skyline... yet. For years, there were height limitations
on buildings to protect the view of St. Paul's Cathedral. The first high rises weren't
even built
until the 60's.
This view will look different in the near future as many
new
skyscrapers have been approved or are already under construction... very different.
Trafalgar square with the National Museum in back. Many of the
museums are understaffed and only open a few rooms to the public.
The Chinatown here is great. It doesn't smell like ass like in Boston or New York.
Just like in Hong Kong.
The carry out buffet was the best bargain... for £3, I crammed this
container with delicious Thai food. The lady at the register laughed
at me. Laugh all you want woman, I'm getting my money's worth.
That night I went to an Infernal concert. They're a dance/club/pop
group from Denmark with some international hits... never heard
of them. Not really my type
of music, but it was still lots of fun.
A sea of people.
I should've walked in without pants.
Apparently, the British never learned the word "exit".
I came across a Port-o-potty the other day. It made
me sad.
A crime just happened here.
The word is "entrance"... get a dictionary.
That morning, I visited the Natural History Museum to look at dinosaur bones
and other old stuff.
By the way, all the national museums in London are FREE,
my second favorite four letter F word!
A ancient giant sloth. Very unslothlike.
It's just a few TV sets and mirrors... but the reflections created the illusion
of a giant sphere. Hypnotizing!
Finger lickin' good.
Yes... I'm wearing a pink shirt. Hey, if crazy banana
selling Cockney guy can wear a pink shirt, I can wear
a pink shirt.
An animatronic T-Rex... I can't believe I wasted an hour in a queue
to see it.
Of all days to go to a Natural History Museum, I went
on a Sunday. The place was swarming with British kids
with the day off from school.
Kensington is one of the super expensive neighborhoods where
the average apartment is like, £1,000,000.
Emptying the rubbish bins.
Such a proper looking sign for a toilet.
Like everywhere else in Europe, football is an obsession in England.
I vividly remember the night when Princess Diana died. I was playing
Tetrisphere on my N64 when my sister ran down the stairs yelling,
"Diana died!". My sister's name is Diana, so I was like, WHAT??? After
getting over the initial shock and confusion, I turned off the game and
followed the news coverage for the rest of the night. It was strange...
Princess Diana was a public figure but we still felt some personal loss.
My sister and I were born here in the early 80's. I can just imagine my
parents trying to come up with names for us, and thinking... let's give
them popular American names. And here are these two personalities,
Charles and Diana, bombarding the media, on the news, in the tabloids.
And BAM, we're named after English royalty.
Kensington Palace
The decorations seemed cheap for a palace.
Why can't we all just get along like birds?
A perfect afternoon for a walk in the Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park.
I'm gonna say it... London eased the shock of seeing fat people
when returned to America, because they have plenty of their own.
Delicious.
While strolling along Hyde Park, I heard some ruckus in the distance.
I thought it was a football match, but much to my delight, I had stumbled
upon Speaker's Corner. It's a place where people gather to freely express
their views on any topic that concerns them... usually politics, religion,
or social issues. The Iraq war and Islam were especially hot topics. Kudos
to the pink shirt.
Anyone... I mean... ANYONE can get on their soapbox
(most chose step ladders)
and talk about whatever the
hell they wanted. If you're an idiot (which many were)
people just laughed at you and walked away. Damn... I
should've ranted about something... I'm good at that!
Pure democracy at work.
I can't believe they still dress like this.
"Fuck you Muslims", gestured the old man.
Dustin Hoffman
The 99 pence menu is like our dollar menu. Just twice as expensive.
A space saving sink
THE Hard Rock Cafe... where it all began. I had been refraining
from buying HRC souvenirs my entire trip, but it would have been
blasphemous to
leave here without one. One small shot glass to
represent my entire journey. I cherish it.
What can I say? I was scraping by.
Backpacker Rule #27: A piece of cardboard is a totally acceptable
substitute for a fork.
My hostel was right near St. Paul's cathedral. I woke up to the sound of
the church bells in the morning. Not as annoying as I thought it would be.
Shakespeare's Globe Theatre.
Replica of the Golden Hind, the ship Sir Frances Drake used to
circumnavigate the globe. I was crisscrossing the River Thames
over different bridges finding random stuff to look at.
London bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down. London
bridge is falling down, and it's boring.
Tower Bridge, however, is quite awesome.
When you need to go a step beyond tar & feathering.
This is what I love about London's architecture, the juxtaposition of
very old and ultra modern.
Built under William the Conqueror in the 11th century, the Tower of London served
as an important fortress, palace, and prison. Today, it's mainly a tourist attraction,
but the Crown Jewels are still housed there.
Reminds me of that scene early in the third Harry Potter movie.
Penis #2
"LET IT BE"
Hostel breakfast. It's not that I'm a pig. I'm just a thief. I ate half of
it and snuck out a delicious roast beef and cheese sandwich for lunch.
I'm so immature.
Back to the HRC for a decent "I was there" picture.
No way in hell was I going to pay $30 for a burger. I just looked
at the memorabilia and went on my way.
You expect the English to be all proper, but they're just as dirty as
everyone else.
Today's mission, check out the Changing of the Queen's Guard at
Buckingham Palace.
How can Bobbies be taken seriously? They look like huggable cartoon
characters.
I came expecting a small scale event like the one in Athens, a few guys
marching in, a few guys marching out, a handful of onlookers. This was
more
like a broadway production with dozens of officers, a full marching
band playing the original Star Trek theme, and a massive crowd.
I would've come earlier if I knew how crowded it was going to be.
Too many heads in the way.
The mounted police force maintained the crowd in a friendly and
entertaining manner.
This one reminded me of Olivia from
Law & Order SVU. Everyone wanted to take a picture with her.
I was expecting to see guys wearing bright red uniforms and
silly furry hats. Where were they?
Play us a happy tune.
Something about this kid annoys me.
That's the strange German guy from my hostel who kept on following me
around everywhere I went. I didn't really mind except that he complained
about
me taking so many pictures... no one complains about me taking
pictures. I had to come up with a scheme to ditch him... quick.
Victoria Memorial
Everything about these girls annoy me.
This doesn't look like London for some reason... more like... Turkey.
Seriously... Why?
Not exactly the guy in red I was looking for, but he'll do for now.
He looks way too relaxed to be holding that gun.
The Parliament at the Palace of Westminster. There was a crowd
congregating
in front, and I asked a lady what was going on. She told me that sessions
of
Parliament are open to the public. Cool, democracy in action. I wasn't too keen
on wasting a glorious afternoon indoors, but German guy really didn't
want to
see it. Perfect... I can get rid of him right here. I told him that was intent on
seeing this and urged him to go off and do his own thing. He kept on trying
change my mind but I wasn't yielding. Then he tried
making plans to meet up
later. I told him that I never make plans with anyone when I travel... which
is
totally untrue, but I had to ditch somehow. Then I told him... maybe... maybe
I'll be done with this thing by 6 and he should come back and look for me then.
Haha... yeah right, sucka! He finally left, but I had also convinced myself that
I wanted to observe British democracy in action... 2 hours later, I finally got in.
Kinky.
Unfortunately, photography wasn't allowed in the House of
Lords and House of Commons where the actual Parliamentary
sessions took place. It was quite neat. Visitors sat in a gallery
overlooking all the action behind a sheet of bulletproof glass.
The MP's were debating on a piece of legislation to close
rural
post offices. Nothing exactly exciting, but it was still
interesting
to see how everything worked. I sat there for hours.
Too bad
I didn't think to come here on a Wednesday when Tony Blair
would've been present. That would've been cool.
Westminster Hall, the oldest part of the building, dates back to the
11th century. Much of the rest of the building was built in the 19th
century after being destroyed in a fire.
Plaques on the floor commemorate Britain's rulers who lay in state or
were buried in Westminster Hall. All the bodies were removed and
interred elsewhere in modern times.
I always wanted to create my own coat of arms. I should
get cracking on that.
Big Ben is neither the tower nor the clock, it's actually
the nickname of one of the bells inside the tower. So
the next time someone tells you they've seen they
Big Ben, they LIED!
Punk, where it was born.
I never got the quintessential picture of myself inside
the phone booth... what was I thinking?
The traditional way to serve fish & chips is to douse it with salt & vinegar.
I can see where the impression of "bad English food" comes from.
Most
people probably wouldn't like it. I liked it. Then again, I like everything.
More clubbing action late into the night.
My hostel was full of weirdos. Some of the guys staying in my room
were ALWAYS there. I saw them EVERY time I came back to change
or get something. I mean... it's very unlikely that they just happen to
be there when I'm there. They weren't a very sociable bunch either.
One Spanish guy always mentioned wanting to go do
something,
which was fine, but when I'd meet up with him in the lobby, he'd be
sitting at a computer with no intention of heading out. What the hell
is that? The Asian guy in the picture was the worst of all.
There was
a sink in the hostel room right next to my bed. One morning, I woke
up to the sound of Asian guy brushing his teeth at the sink, brush,
brush, brush... brush, brush, brush... okay, any day now... brush,
brush, brush. Ten minutes later, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I got
out of bed to use the sink hoping he'll stop. No, he didn't stop. He just
hopped
onto his own bed and kept on brushing his teeth like he was
masturbating the inside of his mouth. I got myself ready and headed
out the door... still hearing the brushing sounds as the door closed
behind me. That was at least a half hour of brushing... WHAT THE
HELL IS
WRONG WITH PEOPLE???
Backpacker Rule #28: If a hostel gets very low ratings for fun on
hostelworld, really consider it a reason not to book a room there.
The only good thing about the hostel (besides the food I stole from breakfast)
was the great location near Blackfriar's Station a short walk away.
The underworld.
Every time I passed through Piccadilly Circus, this guy was there
preaching about all the things that make me hate religion.
You think that's impressive? I was carrying 70 pounds in my pocket.
Hard working Londoners.
The Royal Court of Justice. It's like our Supreme Court.
It's weird how Asians and Europeans both came up
with dragons. I used to be partial to the Chinese
version, but now that I'm sick of Asian culture, these
are looking pretty cool.
My hostel recommended this old pub for some authentic English food.
I headed to the cellar for the meat pies selection. It was
like eating in a dungeon! Awesome!
Chopped beef and liver pie served with smashed peas and potatoes.
What's not to like about British food? This was delightful!
There were a bunch of these all over the city. Real popular with the
lunchtime business crowd.
School boys.
Heading to the Tate Modern for some modern art action. I don't even
like modern art, but it was free.
How's this for good timing? Just that week, the "Test Site" exhibit opened in
the turbine hall. The "exhibit" is the set of metal slides that visitors can ride
down to the ground floor. It was like a free amusement park!
Tweeze!
I took some modern art courses in college, but that doesn't mean I
have to like it. The neon words in the next room read...
"the whole world + the work =
the whole world"
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? So fuckin' pretentious.
This picture feels like an HP or IBM commercial for some reason.
Scraping... by....
That evening I went to see the London production of "The Producers"
in the West End theatre district. Funny stuff. It's strange how it took
place in New York, yet everyone had a British accent.
Random.
£.88 per liter. There are about 4 liters in a gallon and 2 dollars
to a pound. Grand total... $7 a gallon. Stop complaining America.
The Parliament at night.
"HELLO GOODBYE"
St. Martin-in-the-Fields. It's called that because it used
to stand on the field between the City of London and
the City of Westminster before
they merged to become
the London we know today.
Keepin' the streets nice and clean.
Claire from Paris, the first and last normal person I met at the hostel.
That morning was
German guy found me during breakfast and said,
"I missed you yesterday", as he sat down at my table. Uh... okay.
Freak. I tried to be polite and small talk, but then I couldn't stand it
anymore, picked up my tray, and said, "I don't like you're company...
I'm going to move now". Haha... such a rude thing to do, but I had
to do it... keep my sanity... especially on my last full day in Europe.
This was Claire's first day in the city, so I led her to the
areas I was familiar with starting with Piccadilly Circus
Goodbye public transport... I'll miss you.
Remember the dramatic commercials? A diamond is forever.
I KNOW how much Parisians LOVE shopping, so I showed her around
Oxford Street.
After Amsterdam's Red Light district, other Red Light
districts just suck.
We both like taking pictures, of course we'll get along...
...And we both like Indian food. Woohoo, that's two for two! What
an incredible lunch by the way. Since India used to be a British
Colony, there are plenty of expatriates in London keeping real.
We found our way to Harrod's department store to look at
some of the most outrageous prices ever.
With maps in hand
so we wouldn't get lost, we wandered from room to room as
if touring a museum dedicated to capitalism. Imagine the most
you'll ever spend on something, then double it... then double
it again.
The cheaper plain button downs shirt
went for £80,
an expensive one cost £400. If I ever spent $800 on a shirt,
please
smack me... hard. £1000 shoes and handbags were
commonplace, but the most preposterous thing to me were
small packages of paper plates going for £6. Come on now...
they didn't even have Harrod's printed on them.
Photography wasn't allowed in the store, but I had to take my chances
on this one... or else no one would believe me. I found these in the
home furnishings department. Yes... they're fossils. What??? Shouldn't
they be in a museum or something? Who the hell would hang a dead
fish on their wall? Worst of all... Who the hell would spend $30,000
to do it??? I also found ivory tusks in this room... aren't those illegal?
"Oh honey, can you pick up a saddle while you're
out shopping today?"
Imperial
War Museum
Lots of exhibits on conflicts during the 20th century. Being here made
me realize that the British
had a lot more at stake in the World Wars
than Americans ever did. I never get that impression from history class.
Yeah daddy... what DID you do?
Damn the Nazis for using the swastika. It's such a cool design,
and no one can use it now because of them.
I'm trying.
I brought Claire to Old Ye Cheshire Cheese for an authentic
fish & chips experience.
Last beer in Europe. :(
Last dinner in Europe. Horrible photo, delicious food.
On the morning I leave, the sunny skies finally relinquished to the rain.
Shakespeare couldn't
have scripted a it better himself.
Security at Heathrow was extremely tight. I arrived at the airport hours
before departure time, and I still only made it to the gate just in time.
As metal wings take me higher and higher up through the clouds, the countryside
becomes a mosaic, and the mosaic becomes memory. Goodbye Europe.
Backpacker Rule #29: A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.